Tastes Like Food

I’m in the midst of a dietary cleanse, a colon cleanse, to be more specific. What better way to begin spring. It started with a whole foods diet, where I was to eliminate all wheat, sugars, dairy, alcohol, processed stuff and a few other not so health honoring items. Easy, right? Those first days were the hardest. Day by day, foods were yanked from my menu, until this, a liquid only fast, 11 days later. I’m sitting here drinking my apple, spinach, celery and ginger concoction and oddly enough, I feel satisfied. Yes, the craving to put something in my mouth and chew has occurred to me once or twice today, but I certainly don’t need it. If this is true, I’m left wondering what the big deal was in giving up my cheese, my bread, my cookies and my wine. Sure, they’ve satisfied my hunger many many many times and the flavors are always delightful, but why are these foods so desired and preferred over a huge plate of steaming kale, a zucchini salad with cilantro, a sweet potato with avocado and tomatoes or a pile of broccoli florets with lemon juice and sesame seeds (all of which would be an incredible treat at this moment)? Why, when those healthy nurturing and delicious foods are so good, do I feel this incredible desire for more?

What is it that I seek in food, other than nourishment for my body? Yes, indulgence in their unique and intense flavors, the blood sugar spike and of course the immediate gratification are all driving forces. But, what I didn’t realize before, is the bigger reason, I’ve been seeking comfort in these foods. Now, with each day as my meals have been stripped of one type of food and then another: first all of those delicious, bad-for-you things, then meat, then grains, then beans, then nuts, then soy products, then starchy vegetables, it’s been kind of like being stripped of my clothes. I’ve felt exposed, unprotected and without a place to hide. And then, there I am, naked… but it only took a few moments for me to realize that I wasn’t really any more exposed than I had been before. In dealing with the discomfort of it, I’ve realized that the comfort which I was so sure I needed, was keeping me from this incredible feeling of freedom, that I feel without it.

For weeks, I’ve been fearing the moment when I feel my stomach, becoming emptier and emptier by the day, wanting what I’ve promised myself not to give it, crackers, peanut butter, pizza, you name it! Now that moment is here and what surprises me, is that what my stomach really wants is simple nourishment. It has no desire for excess, decadence, indulgence, it only wants good healthy food. Also, what I’ve realized is that it’s not so bad, being empty. Oh, and also… I’m realizing that the lessons are greater than the cravings. I know that I can do it. I’m not going to die. There’s food in my fridge, just in the other room. The time will come when I’ll allow myself to eat again. For now, I have this moment where I’m so clear and so focused that I’m finding that my choices are careful. If I have fruit juice now, my blood sugar will spike and then I might be too hungry later. So, I choose otherwise. How empowering would it be to be able to think as clearly when faced with the choice between a cookie or an apple for a snack, or the choice between a glass of water or a glass of beer, on a daily basis? And have it feel easy and right, rather than like I’m depriving myself of something. Maybe, now that I’m comfortable without my clothes, I can choose why and what to eat, or to freely run naked occasionally enjoying the cheese, the bread, the cookies and the wine along the way. Without the driving need for comfort or for more.

Denise’s Own Juice Recipe
1 Gala Apple
a few handfuls of washed fresh spinach
3 medium stalks of celery
1 chunk of fresh ginger root

directions: Throw them all in the juicer and enjoy the juice!